Funny things patients say!


I was working in the emergency room, taking care of a feisty 90-year-old woman who came in by wheelchair. Her right leg was swelling, and we found a deformity on her femur. She denied any pain. An x-ray revealed a fractured femur, and we called the orthopedist. It turned out to be a long wait, and I heard “nurse, come in here.” The woman asked me to help her up into her wheelchair. I explained that her leg was broken and she needed to stay in bed. She wouldn’t take it. She said that only one of her legs was broken, she could still scoot around in her chair, and wanted me to get her out of that bed immediately!

What funny things have patients said to you?


A patient fell out of bed, and I asked if they lost anything.

They said: “My dignity.”


I had a mom with twins complain that the grandmothers kept mixing up the babies. I suggested she put initial earrings in their ears since they were both girls. The lady returned and said my idea was great but the grandmas still have to write down which was A and which was B.


Taking care of a 95 year old female she was complaining about urinary track systems so I got a urine sample c&s and sent it to the lab. It came back a couple of days later and I was reading it to her. I told her there were a couple of organisms found in the sample and she yelled “it showed 5 orgasms!!! Where was I when they happen and they can see that in a urine sample???” I could not keep a straight face.


Was in the home of a patient. Educating his daughter on the diet required due to his CHF. Explaining that corn chips and nacho cheese were not good for him and she yelled, " Oh my god, I just bought him diabetic chips." I was so dumb founded, I couldn’t even respond to that.


When discussing DNR status with a patient their response was “Well if I’m already dead leave me dead!”


My three yr old homecare child sits on the floor. says whew I getting to old. Omg I rolled on the floor laughing so hard. Love him so much.


I once was giving care to a 90-year-old woman who was discussing her DNR status. She stated that she “didn’t want nothin’ done.” As a relatively new nurse, I had the DNR sheet out and was looking to check the boxes. She told me, “Honey, I don’t need any of that. Just wave good-bye when I start to go. Can you write that on that form you got there?”


A long time ago, I worked in a N.E. Georgia hospital in the mountain foothills. Most of the patients were from the town or city area but we did get a few from the mountains. Most of them didn’t want to be there but they needed the care so they were kind but very rugged. One evening I made my rounds checking vital signs and making sure everyone had urinated and had a bowel movement. My standard question was: Have you gone to the bathroom today? Most people were good to explain the exact time and place.

One day I walked into a room full of hill folks that didn’t seem to understand my question. I tried to make it plain and simple. Did you pee and have a B.M today. Apparently, it was still confusing to the man. But he tried to be helpful. His answer was. "I did take a leak earlier, but all else I had was an R.C. I didn’t laugh until I got to the nurses station and shared it with everybody else.


I was preparing a patient for bed and she requested that RT come in and set up their CPAP machine because her home machine wasn’t comfortable. RT came in and set her up. I woke her up for morning labs and she requested that the CPAP be taken off. I did so and she complained of a headache. I asked how long she has had it and she said ‘right after the respiratory guy came in and put her Pap smear on her face’! I couldn’t hold it together!


hahaha this is funny :joy:

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